Bancuri - cugetarea zilei

[haky01]

ion pe un varf de deal si gheorghe pe altul:
Ion:ma gheorghe...vaca ta fumeaza?
Gheorghe:nu ma...da de ce?
Ion:no apoii vezi k ti-so aprins grajdu!

ion cu gheorghe se intalnesc prin sat.
Gheorghe: ma da ce tat umblii cu radioul cela spanzuraat de gat toata ziua?
Ion: k ma aista nui radio ii biinoclu.
G:no si ce stii tu face cu el.
I:ni punel la ochi si uitate sus in deal unde-s turmele.
G:ni ma ce fain ia cainele, ia oile, ma gandesti k-s aci langa noi ma. No faina scula ma, da ni spunemi ce ai nai vazut cu el.
I: aseara te-am vazut cum iti f....i nevasta dupabsura.
G: no ma, cred k ti-e stricat k io aseara n-am fost acasa.

[huber_bm]

:P no comment

[Norbertinio]

Merge un om cu calul in padure dupa lemne si incepe sa isi bata calul. La care calul ii zice stapanului: - Ba nu ma mai tot bate atata nu vezi ca ceilalti nu isi bat caii? Stapanul speriat auzind ca vorbeste calul sare in tufe spunand: - Vai ce m-am speriat. La care vine cainele si spune: - Da eu

[ballack]

Un individ e nevoit sa opreasca masina datorita unei congestii de trafic. Deodata, cineva ii bate in geam. El deschide si intreaba:
- Ce s-a intamplat ?
- Teroristii i-au rapit pe cei 322 de parlamentari si cer 10 milioane de dolari rascumparare. Altfel ameninta ca ii vor stropi cu benzina si le vor da foc. Acum mergem din masina in masina si facem o cheta.
- Bine, zice omul din masina. Si cat da fiecare ?
- Cam 5 litri…



In procesul integrarii in UE, presedintele Ungariei, cel al Bulgariei si cel al Romaniei (domnul Iliescu) sunt supusi unor probe. Una dintre ele este sa realizeze o descriere a unui fragment de zi in care sa foloseasca cuvintele GREEN, YELLOW, PINK Rezultate:
Ungaria: When I wake up in the morning, I feel fresh and green, I see the yellow sun and I think it will be a pink day.
Bulgaria: In the morning, I drink a yellow lemon juice. At noon, I eat a green apple. In the evening, I watch Pink Panther at the TV.
Domnu' Iliescu: Uen ai ueic ap in za morning, ai hiar za telefaun ringing GREEN-GREEN! Sou, ai PINK ap za phone end ai sei YELLOW !


Seful vamesilor avea cea mai beton sotie dintre toti.
Intr-o zi, colegul de tura ii spune :
-Ba, vezi ca nevasta-ta te insala. In fiecare dimineata, cand tu pleci la lucru, intra un barbat la ea.
Bineinteles ca vamesul nu il crede dar totusi se hotaraste sa verifice .A doua zi de dimineata se face el ca pleaca la serviciu, iese afara si urmareste. Sta ce sta si odata vede un tip bine intrand la el in casa. Turbat, intra inauntru, se duce, se uita sub pat : -aici nu e! se uita in dulap, la baie: -aici nu e! se duce in dulap la sufragerie, acolo, un tip cu 100$ in mana: -aici nu e!


Bin-Laden il suna pe George Bush si ii zice.
Am doua vesti. Una buna si alta rea. Pe care sa ti-o zic prima?
George: Pe cea buna.
Bin: Ma predau!!!
George: si aia rea care e?
Ben: Vin cu avionul!!!

[tuner_cata_05]

Micutul tuner la magazinul de cp:
-Buna ziua! Cati cp aveti pe stoc?
-1000
-Atunci vreau si eu 150, care pusi langa aia 60 ai mei ar da bine.
-Ok, tine doua stickere si un filtru de aer sport .



L-am primit si eu pe mess de la un membru 4tuning ...

[botdriver]

Originally Posted by tuner_cata_05

Micutul tuner la magazinul de cp:
-Buna ziua! Cati cp aveti pe stoc?
-1000
-Atunci vreau si eu 150, care pusi langa aia 60 ai mei ar da bine.
-Ok, tine doua stickere si un filtru de aer sport .



L-am primit si eu pe mess de la un membru 4tuning ...

funny...

[razvyrulz]

Elefantul catre camila:
- De ce ai sanii pe spate??
Camila:
- Hmmm, interesanta intrebare de la cineva caruia ii atarna scula din moaca............

[Keisuke]

[Keisuke]

A professor at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on
‘Involuntary Muscular Contractions’ to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, ‘Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?’
She replied, ‘Probably fishing with his mates.’
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom………



George Phillips of Gold Coast, Australia was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. ( Boy does this sound familiar! )
George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” and he said “no”. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot them.” Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George: “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”
George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”


At Saint Mary’s Catholic Church they have a weekly husband’s marriage seminar.
At a session, last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, “Well, I’ve a-tried to treat-a her nice, spend the money on her, but best is that I took-a her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!”
The Priest responded, “Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary.”
Luigi proudly replied, “I’m a-gonna go to get her.”

[adriano9]

prea mult de citit...

[VENOX]

-Do you know what's large on the bottom of the sea?

-Moby's Dick

[Keisuke]

[razvyrulz]

Un turist intreaba ghidul :
- Dar care este mortalitatea in tara dvs ?
- Aceeasi ca si peste tot - cate o moarte pe cap de locuitor.
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Un businessman este intrebat cum a devenit el multimilionar :
- M-am imbogatit datorita sotiei.
- ???
- Nu de alta, dar eram curios cand ea n-o sa se mai planga ca nu-i ajung banii
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Cele trei mari crize din viata unui barbat:
- Pierderea nevestei, a locului de munca si o zgrietura pe masina.
---------------------------------------------

[Soche]

Originally Posted by razvyrulz

Cele trei mari crize din viata unui barbat: bla bla, bla bla si o zgrietura pe masina.

True true

[Norbertinio]

De ce nu fuge melcul??
Ca sa nu ii falfaie ochii