Niste chestii amuzante
 

Niste reguli de urmat la ex. auto si sigur vei lua carnetu

1. Rev the engine very high, turn to the examiner and say with an evil stare, \"Buckle up\"
2. Turn the radio on. When the examiner goes to turn it down or off, slap their hand
3. After the instructor gets in the car, pop the hood, get out and check the oil
4. Fill your car with beer
5. In the middle of driving, hug the examiner
6. Swear and yell at everybody on the road (include parked cars)
7. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and fourth between the person next to you at the lights, lean forward, grind your teeth and make animal noises
8. When parking, stop a few feet from distance and get out and push, saying frantically to the instructor \"grab the wheel, the cars out of control!\"
9. Keep doing the same thing over and over again, like yelling at the person in the rear view mirror to get out of the way, and then say \"oh, it's me.\" Keep doing it
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 7 ne cam caracterizeaza pe majoritatea

\"You might be a racer if ...\"

- You think the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.
- You take your helmet along when you go to buy new eyeglasses or check out cars.
- You feel compelled on a road trip to beat your previous best time.
- You are happiest when your street car's tires are worn to racing depth and the wear bars are showing.
- When something falls off of your car, you wonder how much weight you just saved.
- When you hear 'overcooked it', instead of food you think 'off the track'.
- You change engine oil every other week.
- You sometimes hear little noises from your passengers when you get on the throttle right after turning in.
- You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind how to drive around a highway off-ramp.
- Your racing budget is one of the big three -- mortgage, car payments/maintenance, dating.
-Your email address refers to your race car rather than to you.
- You walk proper lines through the grocery store.
- You've been known to yell \"It means 'check your mirrors' dammit!\" at your television.
- You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without complaining.
- You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the spares.
- You bought a race car before buying a house.
- You bought a race car before buying furniture for the new house.
- You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture!
- You find that you need a new house because you've outgrown your garage and the neighbors are threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on the street or in the front yard.
- The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in order of importance):
1) 8 car climate controlled garage with an attached shop.
2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a crew cab dualie, a 28'enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th wheel.
3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder.
4) A grease pit.
5) Convenient to a hazardous waste disposal site.
6) Deaf neighbors.
7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
8) Some sort of house with a working toilet and shower on the property somewhere -or- hookups for the motorhome.
- You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of race tires that could have been purchased.
- You know well that Orthodontic work is the equivalant of three sets of tires
- You sit in your race car in a dark garage and make car noises and shift and practice your heel and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back from the machine shop.
- You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.
- Your wife says, \"If you buy another set of tires, I'm getting a new mink.\"
- Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
- You have enough spare parts to build another car.
- More than one racer supply house recognizes your voice and greets you by name when you call.
- You have car parts in your cubicle at work.
- You think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner is: \"Racers, start your engines!\"
- If you can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and rested on weekends.
- You're registered for wedding gifts at Pegasus and Racer Wholesale.
- Your Christmas list begins with another set of BFG R1s and Pauter rods and your 'significant other' knows what they are.
- After your answer to \"What did you do this weekend?\" the next question is always: \"And you do this for fun? Right?\"
- You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
- Your reading material in your bathroom consists of auto parts and racing supply catalogs, several books written by famous drivers, every book Carroll Smith has ever written.... and 400 car magazines, none of which have centerfolds.
- People know you by your class letter, car number, and car color.
- People know you by your \"off\"s\". \"Oh, you are the one stuck in the mud at ButtonWillow last weekend!\"
- You talk to other cars on the road, calling them by the manufacturer's name.
- Your first date involves asking her to crew for you.

Continuare....

- Your criteria for selecting a significant other include auto repair skills. Air tools optional.
- Your friends don't recognize you without a helmet and driver's suit.
- Your family remembers your hair color as \"grease\".
- You plan your wedding around the race schedule.
- You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped breaker bar every other week or so.
- You remember the dates and details of every race you've ever been in, but can't remember your phone number.
- Your family brings the couch into the garage so they can spend some time with you.
- You complain when cars in front of you on highway off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing your exit speed to drop.
- A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you query, \"Synthetic or organic?\" and they reply, \"Vegetable or corn.\"
- You give out Summit Racing's number when a friend asks for the best hardware store.
- You refer to the corner down the street from your house as \"Turn One.\"
- You look at the fire hydrant at that corner and see an apex marker.
- You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work or school.
- You always late apex the intersection and try to pass a few cars coming out.
- Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line through the turn.
- You always do a toe & heel downshift while whoever might be your passenger gives you a real funny look.
- You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive. Of course, you are the best.
- You can't stand understeer.
- You always want to change something in your street car to make it handle better.
- You will gladly pay up to $8 for a quart of engine oil.
- You hate long distance driving, but you will gladly drive 800 miles to the race track.
- You think that traction control and ABS are for those who can't drive.
- You've ever tried to convince your wife you needed that flow bench to fix the air filter on her station wagon.
- You save broken car parts as \" momentos\".
- Your last several freeway forays included just brushing the curbs as you apexed the on-ramps perfectly....
- You've found your lawnmower runs pretty good on 108 octane gas (but doesn't particularly care for alcohol).
- The local tire shop won't honor the tread life warranty on any car you have been within 50 yards of...
- The shop manager at your local car dealer mutters \"dear Lord\" under his breath after he sees the size of your exhaust piping.
- The local police and state Highway Patrol have a picture of your car taped to their dashboard.
- You spend more time polishing your exhaust tip every day than you do bathing.
- Instead of pictures in your wallet, you have timeslips.
- You would choose a rollbar over air conditioning if it were an option.
- You enjoy driving through wet, empty parking lots and using the emergency brake to kick the back end out.
- White smoke coming out from under your tires is a common sight.
- You consider the redline a \"conservative suggestion\" and the rev limiter \"a fun limiter\"
- You spend more on insurance premiums than on food.
- Your idea of a good time is sitting around figuring out gear ratios and the ideal final drive ratio for given situations.
- When someone refers to \"The Good Book\", you think of \"The Auto Math Handbook\"
- When someone asks where you went to school, you reply, \"Skip Barber\".
- You have racing shops programmed on on your speed dialer.
- You own five cars and only one of them is street legal.
- You know the 1/4 mile times and skid pad numbers of your riding mower and want to improve them.
- You've embarrassed your significant other at least once by insisting on wearing your full face helmet while driving.
- You know the \"racing line\" of every turn in your daily commute, including your alternate routes, and practice hitting them every day.
- You quote your street tire wear life in weeks rather than miles.
- You regularly live test your rev limiter on that straight that's a little too long for 2nd but not worth going into 3rd for.

prima e mai tare...am ras de am pocnit :lol:

Sfarsitul...

- You've started looking for sponsors for your daily commute.
- You've slalomed in a construction zone, and counted your penalty time in the rearview afterwards.
- After you tell your wife where you'd like to go on your vacation she answers: \"Why... is there a race there?\"

E cam mult de citit, dar merita. Poate asa nu o sa mai negati ca sunteti \"raceri\", cred ca sunt cateva de acolo care va caracterizeaza.
Enjoy...

Asta e penala rau...
What Not To Say To A Cop

Oink, Oink!
Hurry up and write the @#&^*! ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes.
My car needs a tune-up, otherwise you would not have caught me.
If you were on the same stuff as I am you wouldn't be so uptight.
Didn't I see your butt get kicked on \"COPS\"?
You just ruined a new personal record.
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
Excuse me. Is \"stick up\" hyphenated?
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
I was going to be a trooper, but I decided to finish high school instead.
Bad cop! No donut! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.
Is it true that people become troopers because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?
I pay your salary!
So, uh, you on the take, or what?
Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around--that's how far ahead of me they are.
What do you mean, \"Have I been drinking?\" You're the trained specialist.
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
Hey, is that a 9 mm? How's that compare to this one here?
Officer: Your eyes are red, have you been drinking?
Driver: Your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?
Your so-called \"speed limits\" mean nothing to me flatfoot. I live my life one quarter-mile at a time.
You again? I thought I lost you at that last red light.
Aren't you going to strip search me, big boy?
You better hurry up with that ticket. Dunkin' Donuts closes in 15 minutes.
How about you watch my friend Ben Franklin while I get my registration?
Sorry I was speeding officer, but your daughter said she had to be home by eleven.
Hey Barney! How are things in Mayberry?
Say Hi to your wife and my kids!

Oil Changing Instructions

1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil,
filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back to
O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to
gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains
onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December(1992)
in the left boob.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil
spilled during step 23.
40. Drive car